no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
