I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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