The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
