Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize