The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
