I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize