Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
