This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Couch. On fire.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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