I wish I only lived at night.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
