i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
