She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
