I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
