first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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