there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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