yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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