If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
