I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
