So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
