I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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