I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize