drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
