This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize