Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
