Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize