don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize