I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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