You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
