She announced her abortion via fbk
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I could fuck to npr.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
