Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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