Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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