My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
