So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And then my night got REAL pukey
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
