Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
