I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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