So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
