I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
