how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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