His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
