problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
