Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
