So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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