the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
