There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
