He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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