Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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