How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
two words...techno handjob
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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