I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
