i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
whose parrot is this?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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