Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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