i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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