I cockslap morals
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
