Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
