So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
