how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
