I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
