God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
