Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
