woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
