Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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