I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
