I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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