just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
