new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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