awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize