I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
