The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize