that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
