Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
