just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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