It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
