I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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