last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
