Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
